I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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