I accidentally had phone sex last night
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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