It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
