Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
