just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
