Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
