I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize