Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
