At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
