Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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