Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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