do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So vagazzling was a success
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
