Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
