you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
