Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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