Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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