Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
