Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
