i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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