Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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