you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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