I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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