and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
