He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
