is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
