Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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