Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
