i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
