is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
