Just cropdusted the office
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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