I wish I could punch you in the face.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
