you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
