apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
