who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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