Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
