I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
