my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
