it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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