You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
