All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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