im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
