I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
