Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize