he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
