I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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