I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
