I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
