I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
