judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
