Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
