I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
