Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my shit smells like andre
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
