Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
