Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
