It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
