I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
