sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
