When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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