I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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