omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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