i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
