Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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