Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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