I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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