my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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