You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
