Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
