With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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