i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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