If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize