Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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