I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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