The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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