He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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