he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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