her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Randomize