So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
