i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Floor bacon is actually really good
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
