it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize