Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
