I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize