is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
