I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
