the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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