If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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