This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
