so explain again why im purple
no
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize