Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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