At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
