Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
