My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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