I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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