you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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