No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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