My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
