Where did you get a picture of my penis
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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