East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
