just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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