dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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